Two days ago, I turned 25. And really, it's not even that big of a deal for me. Age ain't nothing but a number, right?
Right.
I just got those flashes. I just remembered every step of the way.
Like this 14 years-old Me, starting a blog, that would change my life. Now that I look back, I can see that. I had no idea that I could write. That I would write my soul out for the next 15 years. I didn't know that when my mouth couldn't put it in words, my pen would help heal my pains. I had no clue what a catharsis it would be; but also, that it would connect the world to me.
People from my entourage got to read and see me differently, they got to know the real me. And what they meant to me when I couldn't say.
People that I didn't even know took moments from their time and told me I made a slight little change with a word. And it made my heart smile every single time. And made me want to become a better person.
I just got those flashes. I just remembered every step of the way.
Like my 15th birthday party. I don't usually have parties on my birthdays but this time around was just special. It was a beautiful day, we were out in the garden, by the pool. And we had so much fun. I remember clearly the guy I was in love with getting in, and it just made my day. All my best friends and my cousins were there… Yes they were. And when I think about this, some are out of the picture now, but for the most part, we are still the bestest friends. Our bounds were so tight, even time couldn't get in between. And for those who are not in anymore. Well, I learned the hard way. Even when you give everything that you got. And when you try your best. Even at that point, it can be just not enough. And it is Ok. I know that now. & it made me a better person.
I just got those flashes. I just remembered every step of the way.
The births, the deaths, the challenges, the love, the laughters (oh yes. the laughers!), the cries, the arguments, the plans, the aborted plans, the lessons, the breakups, the disappointments, the heartbreaks, the love, the learning, the hard work, the accomplishments, the cravings, and yes, for the 3rd time, the LOVE.
I sometimes question life a little too much. My friends say I overthink it, I believe I just want to fully understand everything. Like, why did my path change so much from what I envisioned for myself? Why am I not married with kids just like the stereotype I had in mind when I was 15? Why am I not a millionaire yet? Why am I so obsessed with success while (most) people my age look for love, party, sex and just a random 5to7 job? Why did you choose to not give our family another try? Why did I decided to do my own thing when all the odds where against it? Why can't I trust so easily? Why do I sometimes feel so lonely even in a room full of people that I LOVE? Why am I never good enough? Where? Where are we heading to? Where is this going to end? Where am I going to find him? Where is the point of all this? What is it that we are all looking for?
Some of these questions, I have a clear vision and a perfect answer for it. And some, I will probably never have a clue. But it is Ok. Life does that to us. We got lost. We get found. And we elevate. And it starts all over again.
For my 25th year on this planet, all I can wish for is for you to stick with me. Whoever you are. Friends, family, readers, critics, yes. You. Just stick around and we'll get to that point together. I will get better.
I am blessed beyond measure. I have always been. And it's only getting better with time; I will not take anything for granted and I will always try and find a way to work it out with a positive mindset and energy. Always.
Thanks for ride. :)
I owe you one. Ttyl.
